So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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