I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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