guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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