i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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