I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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