remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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