So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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