After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
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jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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