I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize