I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize