Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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