I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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