Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
