Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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