She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
