My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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