i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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