FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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