I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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