Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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