I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize