lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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