I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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