Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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