He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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