so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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