I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize