So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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