I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
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So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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