there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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