We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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