dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize