She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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