And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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