and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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