Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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