I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
