turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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