you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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