On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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