How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize