Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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