So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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