Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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