areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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