Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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