I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize