I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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