i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
