You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize