I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize