I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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